Iā€™m calling BS on the hot mess mom

May 01, 2023

Have you heard of the hot mess mom?  Her IG profile reads, “Surviving on coffee and wine,” or, “Rocks a messy bun like no other.” Take a minute and scroll reels or Tik Tok and if you haven't noticed it before, I'm sure you will now. It seems to be a trend in marketing to women right now. To be sloppy chic, or perfectly imperfect or whatever you want to call it. However, it’s a trend that I once seemed to identify with, but I can no longer standing behind.

Here’s the truth - life is messy. It’s hard. Being a mom, a partner, doing the best for your family but trying to maintain your sense of self. Frankly, it can seem impossible! But even when life feels challenging, busy, and downright messy, I don't want to identify with being a messy person. Who I am is not a product of what is going on around me. Even in the craziest of days, I am still focused on my goals and I'm still doing the work to the best of my ability. And trust me, I am in no way claiming I am doing it perfectly, or even sort of right.  However, I am doing my best, and I trust that you are too. 

“We are all out here doing our best.”

- Brene Brown


Life comes with all sorts of ups and downs and in motherhood no two days are ever the same. There are always surprises despite our best planning. Just this morning, the kids left for school, I started laundry and headed out for an oil change before a couple scheduled work calls. While waiting at the dealer, I started receiving texts from my daughter: “My stomach hurts. I can’t focus. Please pick me up.” My intention to work on content creation got tossed aside as I tried to tell her I am without a car and unable to get her. Instead of giving in and declaring today a “hot mess,” I stopped, took some deep breaths, and started to do my best to get through this currently out of my control situation.  Yes, it’s unpredictable but no, that doesn’t define me as a hot mess. It makes me normal!

I think when we realize that this unpredictability is normal, we can lose the label that glorifies feeling out of control. We can give ourselves grace in the moment. We can also do our best to make ourselves a priority while recognizing that the day may not always go as planned. Wash your face, and whether you choose the air wrap curls or the messy bun, it’s ok! And it doesn’t make you any less of a human being. I think that if you take the time to prioritize you, it may also make the surprises a little easier to deal with. At a minimum, show up for yourself each day! You’ll be a better partner and a better mom. And you may surprise yourself as to how much you can accomplish just by taking care of yourself.

So let’s say no to the hot mess mom and resigning ourselves to a life that controls us, and say yes to doing our best, making it work in the best possible way and moving from “I can’t do this” to “I can figure this out.”

 Did you enjoy this post? Drop your email below to subscribe and get blog posts straight to your inbox!